O levels has its own way of tearing me down and making me lose hope in myself.

that's the honest truth.

nothing scares me more than a bell curve.

but through all this i learn something about myself.. i'm not as strong as i would like to be.

and yet somehow i'm going to use this experience in life to prepare me for tougher days ahead in life.

what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

and when i went to church on saturday, the song "blessed be your name" had the lyrics:

You give and take away, you give and take away

but my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name.

amen. trust like in the bible when Job lost it all but he still trusted God.

and i feel blessed to have nice church friends, seeing them after a long week has made me happier actually cause i managed to smile.

y'know, i don't know if my acjc dream is dead or whatever, but i guess life will come whether we like it or not. only time will tell.. anyway, in whatever way i'll end up somewhere next year, i guess it's the uncertainty that scares me, the uncertainty of the possibility of being thrown into an uncalled for and uncomfortable life-changing situation. but then comes adaptation right?

i don't know, but God does. all good things work for those who love Him.

and i was thinking about how i feel i wasn't born to be exceptional. maybe by the world's standard this statement holds true but we weren't meant to live by the world. i admit sometimes i get too caught up with it, i'm still trying to figure out how to balance this life's expectations and wondering how to live for God everyday.

tmr is the lit paper. i have two scenarios in my head.

1) things will suck just like everything else that has happened to me. reeking of mediocracy.

2) lit will be great, as always. because i actually have what it takes.

i feel bruised and frail after emotional rollercoasters, will i have enough strength and tenacity to go through the coming papers? i hope so. i have to. never underestimate the human spirit.

please i need a breakthrough :)