O levels has its own way of tearing me down and making me lose hope in myself.

that's the honest truth.

nothing scares me more than a bell curve.

but through all this i learn something about myself.. i'm not as strong as i would like to be.

and yet somehow i'm going to use this experience in life to prepare me for tougher days ahead in life.

what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

and when i went to church on saturday, the song "blessed be your name" had the lyrics:

You give and take away, you give and take away

but my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name.

amen. trust like in the bible when Job lost it all but he still trusted God.

and i feel blessed to have nice church friends, seeing them after a long week has made me happier actually cause i managed to smile.

y'know, i don't know if my acjc dream is dead or whatever, but i guess life will come whether we like it or not. only time will tell.. anyway, in whatever way i'll end up somewhere next year, i guess it's the uncertainty that scares me, the uncertainty of the possibility of being thrown into an uncalled for and uncomfortable life-changing situation. but then comes adaptation right?

i don't know, but God does. all good things work for those who love Him.

and i was thinking about how i feel i wasn't born to be exceptional. maybe by the world's standard this statement holds true but we weren't meant to live by the world. i admit sometimes i get too caught up with it, i'm still trying to figure out how to balance this life's expectations and wondering how to live for God everyday.

tmr is the lit paper. i have two scenarios in my head.

1) things will suck just like everything else that has happened to me. reeking of mediocracy.

2) lit will be great, as always. because i actually have what it takes.

i feel bruised and frail after emotional rollercoasters, will i have enough strength and tenacity to go through the coming papers? i hope so. i have to. never underestimate the human spirit.

please i need a breakthrough :)

i will try my best.. to remain sane.

O(levels). M.G

It's so nice to feel that people care, with all the smses with well-wishes and prayers for O levels, particularly the personalised ones :)

O levels begin today, i will put my trust in God, not by my own strength. i gotta learn that everything should not be done just counting on my own ability cause God can do so much more.

and i like it when people say they like my smile or when they smile so widely when they see me. it makes me feel warm inside and also at the same time excited to see someone so happy to see me. especially if i miss them.

on the other hand, awkward moments are plain.. well awkward. i try to avoid these but they just come sometimes though thankfully it's not an often occurence.

back to what i was talking about.. people who really care. that's just another amazing thing about life that i am very thankful for.

this is the start of the determining of my life.

Lord you are there every step of the way.

my parents are the sweetest btw.. my mum took leave and she is bringing me to ajisen ramen to get a good lunch and my dad sent me a really sweet text and gave me a good luck ang pow, haha.

"It's the story of your life, you're moving down the page
and you know you're on your way..
It's the story of your life you live it everyday
you can run, you run but you won't get away
no one knows what's coming up, where will you go now
It's the story of your life"

-Five for fighting "Story of your life"

y'know i've always been feeling like my life is extremely boring because all i do is study.

i also double-realised that when i talked to joel on sat and i'm always telling him about my next prelim/the final O levels.

BUT! hey, life isn't too bad.. i actually have great friends and the time after Os going out and stuff will be great, i just know it!

suffer temporarily to reap rewards.

and i watched my first ep. of CSI today with taylor swift guest starring in it.

halfway i couldn't follow the storyline and we paused the show and my sister explained and i was like "what?? weren't we watching the same thing? how could you have got all that and i didn't?"

haha.

this talk about Os prolly makes me blog entries boringgg.

is this like inception? (not the movie, literally inception) like if i told you my blog entries were boring would you also think that way cause i implanted that idea into your mind? just a thought.

omg naomi and i just planned our whole holidays. IT'S GONNA BE TOTALLY AWESOME.

graduation!

okay so i decided to update this space cause it's been many days.

i've graduated! yes old news, not that old actually.. like 2 days ago which was friday.

we had graduation at sch & the lunch was pasta mania! :D omg i was so happy

we sat together as a class on long tables with purple tablecloth.

my school's motto is "aflame for truth" so just like in sec one during orientation, during graduation we have the passing of the flame.

dear sharmala.

lovely wenhui & erina.

the flames became stars cause of my friend's camera effect, pretty cool eh.

clique photo!

complete clique photo! :) ♥

the coolest people everrrr! ♥

the beautiful diva christine!

it was supposed to be a pic of sean and i but obviously all the rest had to jump in too, haha.

leftover green tea & pasta mania food packs, aaron and i love free stuff!

nuh-uh bitch, you aint messing with me~ LOL.

joanne being her normal pretty self, haha, i'm so nice :)

4 truth 2010!

amath drives me mad. esp. when im so brain dead after studying biology which is really a long and boring process.

i need strength to get through this, make these last 12 days count.

i need a miracle, i mean doing well isn't something that out of reach, i just need to work hard and get a miracle, one that will boost me to a peak at Os.

oh Lord please help.

and i need to carry motivation with me though i feel like dying today. not literally.

look around and the world will find you

i think when i'm up by myself at night listening to music like five for fighting's "story of your life", those kind of songs that make you just reflect on life, the beauty of it, the people, how life's a journey. i can't help but want to cry. esp. when you know these songs make you think of people you miss.

today i was forced, yes forced, to relocate to the jurong library cause there was constructions going on on the floor above me, nearly killed my eardrums cause it was beyond loud and worse than you can imagine.

so i actually studied at a table near the playground downstairs but went to the library (for the first time there btw) cause the sun was getting too hot.

managed to go hardcore on bio and i'm hoping to keep this good pace.

went for night study english and i really am improving for comprehension, i see the increase in marks and i feel more confident :)

and night study was fun with kylie being cute, li an being awkward, amelia being all smiles..

oh yeah then afterward my dad picked me up from sch and we had dinner nearby, i had tom yum ban mian (L) and my dad helped me get my calculator battery (which totally died on me) changed. i guess tonight's a night where i feel particularly blessed even though i know everyday i am :)

i'm looking forwrd to an exciting future.

sing for the laughter, sing for the tears

last day of sch. very memorable. i loved my time here in this sch.

2 weeks to O levels, sarah be serious right now.

anyway, today pe was the best everrr. had three games of netball and my team comprising of naomi, thessa, yvonne, jasmine, weiqi and jieying were so coordinated and we were all super enthu and actually good players :D

like half the class or maybe 3/4 :)

i was defender and i loved being able to intercept the ball and to see teamwork throughout the court. at the same time having a standard of competitiveness but all in the spirit of good tiring awesome fun.

last bio lesson

love this pic! mrs chow ftw! she would sometimes randomly give us sweets and stuff and today was no exception :)

last chem lesson

Mrs Gan!

Last ever free period

free period people!

love this pic with vito!

Last Lit lesson! man i love lit class..

mrs lee and lit class ♥

Pastamania

ate lunch with olivia, naomi, sharmala & thessa.

stayed for longer than usual and i wish this day would never end.

trained back with sharmala and thessa, aw man i'll miss that really.

okay after Os i'll get my LIFE back.

for now, i shall work to get a LIFE aka future :)

last day of sch was today but there's still graduation next friday so that's smth to look forward to :)

appreciate

survived the day with 5 hours of sleep thanks to watching gossip girl and waiting for it to load cause it takes forever.. 1am before i got to bed.

but surprisingly, i stayed quite awake and had a fun day :)

amath was fun to do, weiqi moved her table to the front so she was practically next to me and it's good having someone smart in amath next to you.

free period with naomi, thessa, olivia and sharmala was fun and awesome as usual.

and today was our last fried food day (wednesday) in sch ):

i'm gonna miss these free periods, it's like recess/lunch/bonding time twice a week cause we don't take pure geog.

and lit was another interesting lesson, why didn't we do this much earlier? these discussions on our text are first of all beneficial and intriguing.

i was sitting in between vito and sharmala and Sharmala and i read the dream sequence from our text "off centre" which is a drama and she was mr razali, and i was saloma.

Sharmala was using her slow emotional voice and i was using an annoying one, haha

then there was the last part when i turned to Vito cause for the original line the character was talking to Vinod which so happens that their names are similar so i went:

"Vinod Vito, my spelling correct anot?"

and so Vito replied: "Yes, Saloma Sarah, it's fine. everything's fine.."

this part was supposed to be a sad line but it was pretty cool how we switched the names up, haha.

and i love singing while on my way to j8 with my friends (L)

watched glee, an episode that moved me..

oh my secondary sch is really ending.

today was productive :)

so yeah.. i think i'm srsly getting used to these late and long days.

i got home at like 10, mrt-ed home with linda and murphy.

and had h2h talk with murphy.

y'know since it's the last week of sch, i like doing exciting stuff that i never got to do or new experiences.

like going to 4 peace class for chem consultation, people were friendly, funny and all greeted me warmly with a smile. seeing keanna, javier, yehyang, niki, jared etc. makes me happy :)

and i've been hanging out with joanne so much, we are night study muggers man (L)

i really want all this to pay off, not hope, cause it will.. actually.. hopefully, LOL.

and when i got home i ate delicious curry chicken with toasted bread. who knows how many meals i eat a day but i eat dinner at like 4 plus so hopefully this overboard awesome supper won't cause me to balloon. and oh yes, papaya! been wanting to eat papaya in sch but they always are sold out before i get any. sweet papaya at home :)

these are the best years.

today was a better day though we had two random mock exams for english paper 2 and emath paper 1 with no prior warning..

but english i think i was done okay and emath was kinda exciting xD

(yes i'm a nerd like that)

literature class was really interesting today esp. when mrs lee told us stuff that she read in the papers/stuff she watched on tv. lit discussion was also kinda cool :)

night study today for eng, man i'm so tired at the end of the day.

omg amazing race season 17 is well.. amazing!

team jumba!

i think i really love american shows: antm, gossipgirl, amazing race, glee!

dude i shouldn't be watching so much.. ah it de-stresses me, i do work okayyy.

oh these times are hard, yeah they're making us crazy, don't give up on me baby.

sometimes i feel like everything is too much to handle.

i don't know how to handle everything but i have to.

will i amount to anything?

and pleasant unexpected surprises, like a friend talking to you again after a long time, that really makes me smile. i miss talking to you.

i know, a real contrast to what i'm saying.

time is going by and i feel so annoyed that i can't just press pause.

even more time to study, sometimes i just don't have the energy to constantly study every single hour after hour, esp. amath which is taking me so long and sometimes it just frustrates me so much that i can't do certain questions. like give me a better brain!

i'm terrified and in constant worry.

help.

boulevard of broken dreams

i feel tired, maybe cause it's 1 am now?

i better sleep cause if not tmr i can't study.

just watched antm cycle 15 episode 4 today (same airing time period as the US), i am in love with lexie tomchek! she has got to be the prettiest girl on antm :)

and some gossip girl:

(L)

i'm graduating in a week. o levels in 3 weeks. study study study studyyy.

and i feel i might be getting new perspectives as i grow older, maybe maturity might really come with age. maybe cause we have more time and exposure.

okay bye :)